16Early Years

 

I was born in Tampa Municipal Hospital at 5:55 p.m.

My mother went into labor and was anesthetized with what was called “twilight sleep,” a combination of morphine and scopolamine. Because she was not awake, my delivery was done with forceps.

I was small — five pounds and a few ounces.

My mother said I was so tiny that they placed hot water bottles in my bassinet to keep me warm. My small size may have been due to her smoking during pregnancy, or because, at the time, women were discouraged from gaining extra weight.

But once I was born, I grew quickly.

My mother produced an abundance of milk. She nursed me well, and even fed other babies in the hospital whose mothers were unable to do so. From the very beginning, I was surrounded by giving.

My earliest awareness is of my mother’s tenderness.

I remember the feeling of being held — wrapped in her softness, her warmth, her beauty. There were also flashes of bright lights, large faces moving in and out of view. But what stayed with me most was her presence.

I was deeply attached to her.

She was sweet and warm, a great source of love and compassion. She would kiss me and hold me often. When I was sick, she would rock me and keep me close.

I did not like being separated from her. When she was gone, I would cry for long periods of time. And because she was so tenderhearted, she often came to rescue me.

Even as I grew older, that bond remained. When I was around twelve and had a bad dream, I would go to her room and crawl into bed beside her.

She was kind and loving.

I remember her trying to comb my tangled hair, and me screaming like a banshee because it hurt. Eventually, she gave up and let me have tangled hair some of the time.

I was the second child.

My beautiful sister, Caroline Louisa, was born 3 1/2 years earlier. I have always been proud of how smart and pretty she is.

Looking back now, I can see how my life began:

small in size…

but surrounded by warmth,

by care,

by giving.

Held close,

loved deeply,

and already learning

how much I needed

that love to stay.

In those early days,

before I had words,

I was already listening

for the presence of love—

and already feeling

what it meant

when it was near.